レベル1 (0〜500語)

Today, I found out that my crush had a girlfriend. The way I found it out? He hugged me from behind, calling her name and saying darling, etc. When I turned around in shock, he quickly backed away and said, "Sorry , I thought you were someone else." FML

Today, like every month, I'm able to tell when my period is going to come, down to the exact day. It becomes increasingly smelly, even before I've started, to the point where everyone around me can barely stand it. I can't do anything to get rid of the stench before it's actually started. FML

Today, my son asked me if a video of a flame on a computer actually gives off heat like a fireplace. He was serious. He's 17 and inexplicably has straight A's. FML

Today, I got mugged at work. The sad thing is I'm a cop and was trying to catch the people who mugged me previously while off duty. FML

Today, I was in the car with my mom taking the dog to the vet, when he peed on me. We were taking him there because he had not peed in three days. FML

Can you complete this English expression? It means “quickly and without thinking”. On the …….. a) fly b) course c) runway d) hurry The answer is below!↓ Answer: a) fly On the fly! By I Talk You Talk Press – Easy English Reading

We know how much you love a good startup pitch-off. Who doesn’t? It combines the thrill of live, high-stakes entertainment with learning about the hottest new thing. Plus, you get to hear feedback from some of the smartest folks in the industry, thus learning how to absolutely crush it at your next pitch meeting with […]

Today, after 10 beers and a 1/3 of a bottle of Jack, I felt an undeniable urge to go rabbit hunting with lawn darts. FML

Today, I tripped over a dog and broke my elbow. I'm stuck dogsitting for the rest of the weekend and he won't stop jumping up at my broken arm. FML

Rivian announced Friday that it has closed a $2.5 billion private funding round led by Amazon’s Climate Pledge Fund, D1 Capital Partners, Ford Motor and funds and accounts advised by T. Rowe Price Associates Inc. Third Point, Fidelity Management and Research Company, Dragoneer Investment Group and Coatue also participated in the round, according to Rivian. […]

It takes a really specific consumer to buy an Android phone, yet use Apple Music. But the small overlap in that venn diagram may be getting bigger. Last month at WWDC, Apple unveiled a free update for Apple Music subscribers that added lossless audio streaming and spatial audio with support for Dolby Atmos. Now, Android […]

'In deep tech, it's essential to think about founder-investor fit. And what we mean by this is understanding why an investor is even in VC in the first place.'

Today, I had to ban my teenage son from taking his phone into the bathroom, not because he looks at porn, but because he’s so engrossed in the screen, he doesn’t aim while he pees all over the seat and sometimes the floor, without cleaning it up. He’s not incapable, just fucking lazy. FML

When it comes to control, the Chinese government doesn't mind wiping out a few dozen billion dollars in market cap here and there. That's not a great system.

Today, after I applied for an IT position at work, and a coworker I’ve worked with for 3 years, who said she had no intention on applying, wished me luck and told me, "I hope you get it!" it's now a week later and it turns out she applied the next day, got the offer and accepted. I had to find out a week later from a different coworker. FML

Hello and welcome back to Equity, TechCrunch’s venture capital-focused podcast, where we unpack the numbers behind the headlines. We were smaller team this week, with Natasha and Alex together with Chris to sort through yet another summer frenzy of a week. This time around we actually recorded live on Twitter Spaces, which was a first for the podcast. […]

Today, I was bored and horny. I figured, what the hell, and downloaded an adult visual novel. Five hours later, I was heartbroken and couldn't stop crying. FML

'At each layer of your growth model, you don't want to just be relying on ads or just be relying on SEO or just be relying on email marketing … you really want to have your eggs in multiple baskets.'

Open-source framework startup Serverless Stack announced Friday that it raised $1 million in seed funding from a group of investors that includes Greylock Partners, SV Angel and Y Combinator. The company was founded in 2017 by Jay V and Frank Wang in San Francisco, and they were part of Y Combinator’s 2021 winter batch. Serverless […]

Today, I accidentally used wood stain instead of hairspray. Surprisingly, it doesn't come out that easily. FML

Today, I had a crucial volleyball playoff game. My dad came to watch. While in a set, my friend pointed over to the bench where my dad was sitting. I turned to see my dad snoring loudly as a result of him falling asleep. He achieved this with loudly cheering people all around him. FML

Meet Kitchenful, a new German startup backed by Y Combinator that wants to make it easier to cook at home by taking care of menu ideas and grocery shopping. The service is currently available in early access in Germany with a focus on Berlin and Munich. When you sign up to Kitchenful, you first have […]

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, starting to get intimate with him, when one of his friends walked into the room, grabbed my leg, and pulled me onto the floor. His reason? He was hungry and wanted to go to McDonald's. FML

Today, my boss fired me. Then later on Facebook, his public status was, "Finally fired the sumo wrestler!" FML

Today, I previewed the website my twin brother created and emailed to all our wedding guests. Under his bridal party introduction, he had written, "Mike and Steve first met when they were high-fiving their way out of their mother's vagina." FML

Today, whilst working in a law firm, I took a call from a criminal, demanding that we apply for bail as he didn't like being in jail. When I tried to explain no one likes being in jail, he became angry and hung up the phone. FML

Can you complete this English expression? It means “to stay quiet and not say anything”. Hold (one’s) …….. a) mouth b) teeth c) tongue d) cheek The answer is below!↓ Answer: c) tongue Hold (one’s) tongue! By I Talk You Talk Press – Easy English Reading

Today, three weeks after a traumatic emergency cesarean section, my husband keeps sulking because sex is the literal last thing I want right now. The fact that my body is still sore and healing is apparently irrelevant when he is horny. FML

'I think you want insight from people who understand how human beings listen and learn and grow.'

Today, I got a fancy new bra made of organic cotton. Or, well, the outside of it is. The inside, which actually touches my skin, is made of 100% polyester. FML