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Misery - FML

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me. The worst part is I’m currently stuck in his house and can’t even deal with a fight right now. Why? Because I just had surgery this morning. FML

Paperwork automation platform Anvil raises $5 million from Google’s Gradient Ventures
Lucas Matney

Remote work has changed the tools offices need for communicating asynchronously across meetings and chat, but not all collaboration takes place in neat little chat bubbles. Anvil is a San Francisco startup that’s aiming to transform how businesses collaborate around the humble PDF. Anvil’s automation platform levels up Google Forms and allows customers to digitize […]

A COVID-19 resilience test for B2B companies
Walter Thompson

While we are seeing lower valuations, we believe certain B2B technology companies may be uniquely poised to thrive, and are pursuing investment opportunities in this space with a renewed focus.

Just a prank, bruh! - FML

Today, while looking at engagement rings online, I started crying. Not because I'm getting married, but because the only proposal scenario my mind could concoct always ended with my boyfriend saying,"Psych!" FML

Join us to watch five startups pitch off at Pitchers and Pitches on June 10th
Marquise Foster

If you want to capture investor attention, you need a killer pitch. And that’s under normal circumstances. You’ve probably noticed that circumstances are anything but normal. With a global pandemic and the ensuing economic crisis, you’ll need to up your pitching game and get ready to bring the heat. We can help. Register today for […]

Monzo to lay off up to 120 employees as the ‘economic situation’ remains challenging
Steve O'Hear

Monzo, the U.K. challenger bank, continues to be faced with tough decisions linked to the coronavirus crisis and resulting economic downturn. Following the shuttering of its Las Vegas-based customer support office and almost 300 staff being furloughed in U.K., the company has announced internally that up to 120 U.K. staff are being made redundant. Reuters […]

How to attract more than 10 million TikTok followers in 5 months
Walter Thompson

Gaining millions of followers on social media is really hard for people and brands. It’s time-consuming, it requires sacrifice and it sucks in the beginning.

Robotics startup lets machines get closer as humans keep their distance
Walter Thompson

Using micro-location robotics, this MIT spinout is tracking five miles of New York subway, showing the transportation authority where six of its trains are — down to the centimeter.

NYC’s push for citywide contactless transit payment is delayed by COVID-19
Brian Heater

Last May, New York City’s Metro Transit Authority opened out the first contactless payment systems at select subway station turnstiles. The systemwide rollout was set to be completed at all subway stops and buses this October. Like so many things in this life, however, COVID-19 put a damper on those plans. OMNY — One Metro […]

Check this out - FML

Today, I ran downstairs to meet the Amazon driver and threw on a shirt in a rush. Only after he left did I realise it was my shirt with artful rips in the design and I'd forgot to put on a vest under it. I'd flashed the driver my entire right boob with nipple piercing through one of the holes. FML

The fundraising marketplace has stabilized. Or has it?
Walter Thompson

While VC interest took a dive in March, the last two weeks have shown unseasonably high interest.

Astroscale expands into geostationary satellite life extension with new acquisition
Darrell Etherington

Orbital spacecraft sustainability startup Astroscale has acquired the IP, most assets and staff of a an Isreali company called Effective Space Solutions in order to broaden its service offering to include servicing geostationary (GEO) satellites, as well as low Earth orbit (LEO) debris removal. Astroscale, founded in Japan in 2013 with a mission of addressing […]

Lili raises $10M for its freelancer banking app
Anthony Ha

Lili, a startup building banking products to meet the needs of freelance workers, is announcing that it has raised $10 million in seed funding. The startup takes its name from its founders, CEO Lilac Bar David and CTO Liran Zelkha, who previously founded Israeli challenger bank Pepper. Bar David told me that while many neobanks have […]

Stinky mom - FML

Today, my mom once again cried that I never come to visit her. I’ve tried, but her house is just unbearable. It’s always no less than 80°F inside, and she also refuses to clean up. She just burns multiple candles and air fresheners all day to mask the smell. She refuses any cleaning help I offer. FML

All out in the open - FML

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend took some extremely strong painkillers that unfortunately gave him a giddy sense of euphoria. He then stripped naked in his parents' lounge room and yelled, "You've all seen it before!" His really religious parents didn't know this. FML

Facebook strikes global licensing deal with Indian music label Saregama
Manish Singh

Facebook said on Wednesday it has entered into a global deal with Saregama, one of India’s oldest music labels, to license its music for video and other social experiences across its eponymous service and Instagram. The partnership, which comes weeks after Swedish music giant Spotify also signed a deal with Saregama, will allow users to […]

Crazy people - FML

Today, while I was waiting for a bus, a nutjob-looking dude walked up to me, then hissed, "You hipster scum, you don't even need those glasses," before forcibly removing them and snapping them in half. I was wearing regular clothes, and those prescription glasses cost me $500. FML

Facebook and PayPal invest in Southeast Asian ride-hailing giant GoJek
Manish Singh

Facebook and PayPal have made investments in GoJek, joining Google and Tencent among other high-profile technology firms that have backed the five-year-old Southeast Asian ride-hailing firm that also offers food delivery and mobile payments. Facebook, for which it is the first investment in an Indonesia-based firm, and PayPal did not disclose the size of their […]

Bye bye clothes - FML

Today, I ran out of moving boxes so I used a few garbage bags to pack up my clothes. My new roommate decided to be helpful by putting those green garbage bags in the dumpster. It was garbage day. FML

Hit the…..

Can you complete this English expression? It means “to go to bed”. Hit the …… a) bed b) floor c) clock d) sack Answer: d) sack Hit the sack

Exercise One - FML

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he started humping my leg and said, "I'm gonna hump the fatness out of you and make you beautiful." FML

Peloton’s fitness app finally lands on Apple TV
Lucas Matney

Since announcing in March that they were extending for a short time the free trial of their digital subscription from 30 to 90 days, Peloton has been rolling out more support for TV screens, adding Android TV back in April and announcing today that they’ve launched an official Apple TV app. Shelter-in-place and the associated […]

Responsibilities - FML

Today, I got chewed out by my boss. Why? Because my coworkers haven't gotten their work done. Now I have to scan them their work for them to complete it. FML

Podcast app Majelan pivots to premium audio content around personal growth
Romain Dillet

French startup Majelan is pivoting a year after launching a podcast player and service. The company, created by former Radio France CEO Mathieu Gallet and Arthur Perticoz, is ditching the podcast aggregation side of its business and focusing on premium audio content going forward. Like many podcast startups, Majelan has faced some criticisms shortly after […]

Strawberry surprise - FML

Today, my husband got home and shouted he had a surprise for me. I shouted back that I hoped it was his tasty knob with strawberry lube. Nope, he'd picked up my grandparents for a visit now social isolation is being relaxed. They might be in their 80’s but they’re not deaf, unfortunately. FML

Decrypted: iOS 13.5 jailbreak, FBI slams Apple, VCs talk cybersecurity
Zack Whittaker

It was a busy week in security. Newly released documents shown exclusively to TechCrunch show that U.S. immigration authorities used a controversial cell phone snooping technology known as a “stingray” hundreds of times in the past three years. Also, if you haven’t updated your Android phone in a while, now would be a good time […]

Locus Robotics raises another $40M as retailers increasingly look to automate
Brian Heater

The COVID-19 pandemic will have a profound impact on robotics, as more companies look to automation as a way forward. While wide-scale automation had long seemed like an inevitability, the pandemic is set to accelerate the push as corporations look for processes that remove the human element from the equation. Of course, Locus Robotics hasn’t […]

Dear Sophie: Can I create a startup on a dependent visa from Australia?
Walter Thompson

I’m eligible to receive a visa and a work permit under my husband’s visa. Can I form my own startup with that dependent visa and work permit or do I need to find a job with an American company?

Vroom targets nearly $2B valuation in impending IPO
Alex Wilhelm

Hello and welcome back to our regular morning look at private companies, public markets and the gray space in between. Used-car marketplace Vroom continued its march towards going public yesterday with the release of an updated IPO filing. The documents it filed provides pricing information for a somewhat odd public offering. As a business, the heavily […]

Crucial information - FML

Today, I was at work at McDonald's, at the front counter when an elderly lady came up to me and whispered, "I just shit everywhere in your restroom," then turned around and walked out the door. FML