レベル1 (0〜500語)

Today, it was my stepmother’s birthday. She yelled at me in front of everyone for "upstaging" her by looking better than her. When I explained that I had only put the minimum amount of effort into my appearance, she said, "Next time, don’t shower or brush your teeth." FML

Can you complete this English expression? It means “very fast”. Quick as a …… a) flash b) chicken c) plane d) star The answer is below!↓ Answer: a) flash Quick as a flash! By I Talk You Talk Press – Easy English Reading

Today, my wife made me sleep on the couch because I ate the last Magnum Ice Cream bar. Last week, she bitched me out for singing too loud in the shower. I strongly regret leaving my ex-girlfriend of 5 years for this woman. FML

Today, I was complaining to my nana about why I can’t get a date. She proceeded to point out my appearance, lack of brains, abrasive personality, poor clothing choices, tacky tattoos, and so on. Thanks nana. FML

Today, my girlfriend of 5 years dumped me because she got tired of me being thinner than her and, in her own words, making her look bad. FML

Today, a "friend" of mine told everyone that I had a crush on a girl I used to be really good friends with 2 years ago. I never liked her that way, and had said that only to hide the fact that I'm gay and don't feel safe with boys. Her current boyfriend is seriously annoyed with me. FML

Today, my roommate walked in on me going down on my girlfriend in our shared living area. She was embarrassed for about 20 seconds, then pushed my head back down and told me to keep going until he comes back. FML

Today, I was notified by my bank that the government stimulus check I had deposited last week had been returned. FML

Data alone doesn’t spur innovation — rather, it’s data-driven storytelling that helps uncover hidden trends, powers personalization, and streamlines processes.

Today Squarespace, a well-known software-and-hosting provider for SMB websites, released its S-1 filing. The company is pursuing a direct listing on the New York Stock Exchange, or NYSE. It will trade under the ticker symbol “SQSP.” The company’s financial results paint the picture of a rapidly-growing company that has a history of profitability. Squarespace also […]

Today, I borrowed my friend’s bracelet, and because I let it out of my sight for two seconds, it vanished. I never even left the house with it. FML

Soona, a startup aiming to satisfy the growing content needs of the e-commerce ecosystem, is announcing that it has raised $10.2 million in Series A funding led by Union Square Ventures. When I wrote about Soona in 2019, the model focused on staging shoots that can deliver videos and photos in 24 hours or less. […]

Today, I woke up naked in my best friend's roommate's bed. We had sex and I puked on the bed. My first sex in over a year and I don't remember a thing. FML

If you only stayed up to date with the Coinbase direct listing this week, you’re forgiven. It was, after all, one heck of a flotation. But underneath the cryptocurrency exchange’s public debut, other IPO news that matters did happen this week. And the news adds up to a somewhat muddled picture of the current IPO […]

Robotic process automation platform UiPath filed its first S-1/A this week, setting an initial price range for its shares. The numbers were impressive, if slightly disappointing because what UiPath indicated in terms of its potential IPO value was a lower valuation than it earned during its final private fundraising. It’s hard to say that a company […]

Hello and welcome back to Equity, TechCrunch’s venture capital-focused podcast, where we unpack the numbers behind the headlines. Natasha and Danny and Alex and Grace were all here to chat through the week’s biggest tech happenings. It was yet another busy week, but that just means we had a great time putting the show together and recording it. Honestly we have a […]

The pandemic has made telemedicine video visits in the U.S. almost commonplace, but in Latin America, where broadband isn’t widely available, 1Doc3 is using text and chat to provide access to care. Today, the Colombia-based company announced a $3 million pre-Series A led by MatterScale Ventures and Kayyak Ventures. “I’m on a nice MacBook for […]

Today, I had a miscarriage. My partner doesn't understand why I'm upset, saying, "It wasn't even a real baby yet." FML

Today, I was told I’d have to get up early tomorrow. When I complained, my mother responded with some sarcasm about me being a spoiled little princess who needs her sleep. Never mind that when I have to wake up early, I hallucinate and vomit. FML

Today, my friend told me that his girlfriend is so mad at me for being friends with him that she's going to kill me with a weapon. I called the cops, because I didn’t feel safe. Later, my friend called me to tell me he was joking, and that I was stupid for believing him. FML

Today, I have been crying uncontrollably for a week straight. Why? Someone posted a mean comment about me on the internet a week ago. No matter how much I try to think about something else, I can’t. What is wrong with me? FML

Can you complete this English expression? It means “to do something risky”. ……… with fire a) handle b) play c) risk d) touch The answer is below!↓ Answer: b) play Play with fire! By I Talk You Talk Press – Easy English Reading

Today, we’ve been unable to have sex for months due to my boyfriend’s health issues. I would never EVER cheat on him; however my unconscious mind has other ideas. I’ve dreamt of kinky sex with everyone from the maintenance man to gettin' freaky with detective Stabler. I’m so horny I’m gonna burst. FML

Today, my 12 year-old son came home with two broken arms after finding an awesome place to ride his bike. He found a sweet jump and his handlebars broke. He's currently in slings and waiting for an appointment with a surgeon, the breaks were so bad, the hospital couldn't reset them. FML

Today, during class, my teacher left a small mark on the whiteboard. When I pointed it out, she simply rolled her eyes and told me to, “let it go.” I have OCD and was completely unable to focus on the rest of the lesson because of the mark. FML

Today, I was getting ready for a very unpleasant doctor's appointment. I got out of the shower and used a new body spray all over my torso and arms. Turns out I'm allergic to it and now my skin is on fire, so now I get to go to an already uncomfortable appointment even more uncomfortable than I'd planned. FML

Billion-dollar B2B refers to the forces shaping a new class of cloud-first, enterprise-tech behemoths with the potential to reach $1 billion in ARR.

Today, my neighbour decided to get high while leaving his bathtub running, resulting in passing out and starting a flood in the hallways. FML

While the money flowing into Silicon Valley is reaching historic heights, the competition for getting customer attention and growing businesses is still a major challenge. At TechCrunch Early Stage: Marketing & Fundraising, we’re diving into the topic of growth and scaling and bringing in experts across the startup landscape to share what they’ve learned in […]