レベル1 (0〜500語)

Today, my boyfriend’s parents saw me making out with my other boyfriend. They’re now asking me to pay them 300€, or they’ll tell him I’m cheating. They know I’m broke and that if we break up I’ll be homeless. FML

Today, everything in life was going smoothly. Including the rock someone slingshot through my passenger window while I was driving. Thank you, random citizen! FML

Today, I got in an argument with my boss and I dared him to fire me because he has always said he couldn’t run the shop without me. Turns out he was just being nice all this time, my job could in fact be done by his 14 year-old niece with no training in two thirds the time. Yes, he fired me. FML

Today, I over-boiled some potatoes. I was having a bad day and this tipped me over the edge. I burst into tears and threw the potatoes all over my kitchen. I then stomped on the piping hot potatoes. The bottoms of my feet are blistered and still feel like they’re burning. FML

Can you complete this English expression? It means “a bad situation”. A ……. state of affairs a) dark b) wrong c) worry d) pretty The answer is below! Answer: d) pretty A pretty state of affairs! Example: “When the police came, the situation turned into a pretty state of affairs.” By I Talk You Talk … Continue reading A ……. state of affairs

Today, I found a curly hair in my fries at a restaurant. It was disgusting, so I screamed at my waiter. To my surprise, they kicked me out of the restaurant for, "making a scene". They wouldn’t even replace my fries. When did the customer stop being right? FML

In this video, I talk about how to remember vocabulary. By Heather @ I Talk You Talk Press

Today my ex-boyfriend came out as gay. My family were like, “It’s about time! Oh honey child, we knew he was a major queen the day you brought him home, that’s why we let you share a room on sleepovers. No way was he going to try anything.” It’s true, we dated for 5 months and I’m still a virgin. FML

Today, after dating a guy for weeks, it seemed that we had a lot in common; we also had great time and it started to get serious. Then out of the blue he went cold, told me that he's gonna have an operation, has 5% chance of dying so he doesn't want serious relationship, then ghosted me. He's still alive. FML

Today, my parents took the car I was supposed to get for my graduation back. Note to self: Don’t fall asleep at your friend Diane’s house past curfew. PS: Don’t lie about being at Diane’s, because they called her mom, who said I wasn’t there. I was actually at my boyfriend’s apartment. FML

Today, I got fired from my job. Turns out, just because the new redheaded guy at work doesn't say anything about you calling them "Ed Sheeran" all the time doesn't mean he's not reporting it to management. FML

Today, my coworker warned me that if I made one more dad joke, she’d belt me with a frying pan. Alas, I did not believe her capable of such violence, which is why I now sit here with a bag of frozen peas pressed to the 3-inch lump on the back of my head. Plus she was sacked, so now I feel horribly guilty. FML

Today, at Starbucks, I was sat next to a father and son where the son told his dad he wanted to meet in a public place for his own safety, because he had to tell him he’d gotten his half-sister pregnant. It might not sound like my FML but in the fist fight that followed they smashed my laptop. FML

Today, I went out with a girl, I paid for the drinks, and thought everything went well, even though I didn’t make a move, I guess I wanted to take it slow. I texted later to invite her to a private beach next week, only for her to reply that she’s not gonna be available for the next few weeks because her boyfriend is coming to visit. FML

Can you complete this English expression? It means “to talk in a threatening manner, but not be able to do anything”. All bark and no …… a) bite b) sharp c) anger d) fury The answer is below! Answer: a) bite All bark and no bite! Example: “Don’t be frightened of the new boss. He’s … Continue reading All bark and no …….

Today, my mother-in-law showed my five year-old a video of a dog biting a baby, complete with blood all over the baby’s face. We have a dog and a baby. I had to explain that we are careful and that she was a baby with the same sort of dog and is fine. I don’t think she believed me. FML

Today, I realized I was in love with the girl in the red Converses. She moved away about 4 months ago and it's way too late, but I haven't been able to get her out of my head, and it's killing me knowing that I lost my chance with her. I wish I was the one to really know her, not her toxic friends and family. FML

Today, I got into work to find our trailer missing. I checked the system to see who had been in, and saw the name I was expecting. This person has racked up a debt of $3000, run off with another $5000 from the owner, and she STILL gives in whenever he asks for something. Someone was supposed to rent it today. FML

Today, I told my family that I'm on probation at work. I help my family out financially, working in a field that they pressured me to pursue. Because they are aggressive, they asked if it was because I fought with someone at work. I told them it was because my boss says I'm too soft. Their response? "He's right." FML

Today, my parents got a cat tree for my cats. I tried to tell them it was way too small, but they ignored my protests. Lo and behold, it's way too small. My cats have already fallen down trying to get on it at least three times each. even though one of them is abnormally small. FML

Today, my in-laws just bought the house opposite. They were bad enough 50 miles away but now they’re here all the time. We’ve had to start locking doors and diving to the floor every time we hear our front gate open. Even then they try to open the door and stand in the garden for up to 15 minutes. FML

Today, I walked in on my roommate mid-wank because I didn’t knock before opening the door. Why was he in my room and using my computer? FML

Today, my ADHD brain won't quit hyperfixating on one specific show. I've watched all 5 seasons 3 times through and have the wiki open at all times. I've tried watching other things, but even shows that I'm huge fan of don't cut it. I feel like there's no end in sight. FML

In this video, I teach an English phrase! By Heather @ I Talk You Talk Press

Can you complete this English expression? It means “unhappy people want others to be unhappy too”. Misery loves ….. a) friends b) knowing c) company d) gangs The answer is below! Answer: c) company Misery loves company! Example: “I know misery loves company, but stop trying to upset me.” By I Talk You Talk Press … Continue reading Misery loves …….

Today, my aunts found grandpa's will, which left everything to me and nothing to them, and his lawyer confirmed on the phone this was definitely grandpa's wish. My entire family now hate me and think I manipulated him. My grandpa has hated me my entire life, so I think this is his way of punishing me. FML

Today, my family was going to have lunch with my parents' friends, who have a kid my age who is very similar to me, and is really cute. I wanted their number to see if it could turn into something beyond friendship, so I dressed up cute and did extra flawless makeup. All for the lunch to be canceled. FML

Today, my dad tried to confiscate my car keys because he doesn’t like how late I stay out on the weekends. I’m 26, have owned my own home since I was 24, and also how the fuck does he know what time I get home? My own dad is stalking me. FML

Today, a month into exercising for the first time in years to get summer body for vacation, the sudden exertion pushed back my period. If I'd sat on my ass, my period would have been on time this month, and over next month before my vacation started. I was really looking forward to period-free vacation. Not anymore. FML

Today, I have to give my cat medicine to help with his constipation. He doesn't like it. On the other hand, my other cat, who isn't constipated, loves it. This may prove to be challenging. FML